The 22-2023 School Year for Dummies

Good morning huskies and welcome to the official newsletter for everything orange and blue. We’ve got some big changes this year (that most people aren’t so happy about). No need to fret huskies! Here is your “How To” guide for any and everything you need to know about the new and improved Oak Park and River Forest High School.

  1. IDs! Whether you’re a fresh-faced first-year or an exhausted senior everybody must wear their IDs! And don’t worry huskies, no one, and I mean NO ONE has a good ID photo. The school has made sure of that by using an iPhone that has just been manhandled by a toddler eating Cheetos to take everyone’s pic. If your lanyard isn’t out and visible when walking through those main doors on your way into school, no way are you making it to class on time. Plus everyone behind you in line will be just thrilled that you’ve made the morning foot traffic even worse. It doesn’t matter if you walk through those doors every morning, greeted by the same person, at exactly 7:46 with your ID on. If you forgot it at home on a random Tuesday in April, you will be personally escorted out of the school by none other than Linda Parker.
  2. Keeping those hallways spick and span! I personally think the hallways could use a good sweeping, considering all the mushed cafeteria fries I see on the daily. So you can understand my disappointment when I learned that “Hall Sweeps” did not mean they were taking a broom to the main staircase. Either way, huskies, make sure you aren’t a-wondering when that bell starts a-ringing. 30 seconds or 10 minutes late, you will be missing major class time. No excuses! Bathroom was crowded? Pee at home. Couldn’t find the right room? You should be less directionally challenged. You tumbled down the stairs, broke your toe, and all your books flew out of your bag? Pick em right on up and hobble your way to class!
  3. Bright and Early! Here at OPRFHS, we go by postman rules. Rain, snow, or shine, we make sure to only unlock the doors furthest away from the parking spots you paid 200 dollars to park in. If it’s a particularly windy day, make sure you’re out the door just a few minutes earlier, to avoid getting blown over. Refer to number two as to why you don’t want to be late. And remember huskies, the early bird gets the worm or the bone or whatever.
  4. Lunchtime! Last but not least huskies it’s time for lunch. Fourth, fifth, or sixth period, lunch is a nice break from your stressful school day. Last year we could eat anywhere we wanted, it was chaos! Now we don’t care if the 100-decibel level noise emanating out of the north and south caf hurt your ears, or if the horrendous led lights require sunglasses, everyone must eat in the lunchroom. Unless of course you cover your food with a garbage bag because that is much less suspicious than carrying a chicken sandwich through the hallways.

Any way you decide to spend your school time will surely be improved by these simple tips. Have any more questions and you know where to find me, frantically running to my next class to avoid being taken out by a broom. And here’s to a healthy and happy 22-23 school year. Cheers huskies!

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