Ascend from Spiderhead

“I joined them, flew among them, they did not recognize me as something apart from them, and I was happy, so happy, because for the first time in years, and forevermore, I had not killed, and never would,” (81).

Abnesti had been trying to create a drug that made people artificially happy and in love; his experiments for this eventually drove Jeff to an arguably heroic suicide. Jeff had cleared his conscious by leaving his body, and his human life, behind. He felt happy, peaceful, and in a way in love. In love with an existence in which he had not killed another.

This could have many meanings, and some may see it as glorifying suicide, but I argue something different. Jeff was trapped and being controlled both physically and emotionally, but after he ascended from that pain he was truly happy. His death represented breaking free from environments that restrain and control who you are.